I am certain it has happened to you that you meet someone seemingly wonderful, just to see a completely different side of them months or years down down the road. And then you stop and wonder where their charm, kindness, and generosity disappear, only to realize that all those traits came with strings attached. All of a sudden, what looked like confidence turned into pure arrogance.
As much as we speak of how important and impactful first impressions are, the truth is that they are more than often just misleading. Why is that? Because people tend to put their best foot forward when they meet someone new. For quite a long while now, psychologists have noted how much social behavior depends upon something known as the “persona”, which basically means the social mask that everyone wears. According to Carl Jung, people tend to hide aspects of themselves through these social masks.
But this does not mean that the true nature of a person is impossible to spot. On the contrary, the most accurate clues will come out when nothing special happens; in other words, in situations when there is no need to impress anyone.
We simply cannot learn everything about someone within the first five minutes of meeting them; however, psychologists have identified certain aspects of behavior that say much more than any speech and presentation ever could.
The importance of everyday behavior
In times when things are working out well for you, just about any person can maintain a calm attitude and appear reasonable and polite.
Character truly emerges in situations when there is no reward for a good behavior and no real punishment for acting badly.
For that reason, ordinary, everyday situations say a lot more about people than grand gestures.
A person may donate a lot of money to a charity publicly, but in front of the very same audience they could treat a waiter horribly. They might share some very profound quotes on social media platforms while backstabbing their close acquaintances.
What is most important is not how the individual behaves when they know they are on display, but when nobody’s watching.
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The first sign: How they treat people with no power
There is hardly a more telling sign regarding somebody’s personality than how they behave toward people who have nothing to give back, people unable to help them either advance in their career, improve their social standing, or provide any benefit for them.
Take the waiter at the restaurant, the janitor at the workplace, the cashier at the supermarket, the secretary, or that old neighbor down the road. Such people have no influence whatsoever on the other person’s life.
A person showing kindness and respect toward these people almost always demonstrates authentic empathy rather than trying to create an image of kindness and courtesy. Multiple studies confirm the link between empathy and prosocial behavior, cooperation, and low aggression. People whose natural concern is how others feel act kindly without fail and do not mind that no one is watching them.
On the other hand, take note of any time they become abrupt and condescending toward those they see as lesser.
Do they immediately get impatient?
Do they stop using polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”?
And do they speak down to them?
Many people reserve their most decent mannerisms only for those people whom they need something from. This alone is already an indication of the person’s true nature.
This seems to be instinctively grasped by the older generations. Many of us grew up being taught that respect isn’t something you owe people because of how rich, educated, and well-connected they are. It is simply the basic minimum requirement when it comes to treating others. When someone is overly attentive to people with power but dismissive toward everyone else, it often suggests they view relationships as transactions rather than genuine human connections.
The second sign: How they react when things go wrong
The second massive clue reveals itself when life becomes frustrating or inconvenient.
It’s easy enough for anyone to appear emotionally mature when everything is going smoothly. But how will they react when things become absolutely miserable?
Being stuck on a delayed flight.
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