Although it can be tempting to talk to friends and relatives about whatever is going on within your marriage, the truth is that it is your spouse only who can help fixing things between you two. When you decide to talk to others instead to your spouse, it can easily lead to misunderstanding,side-talking, and even more resentment. So if you want to improve your relationship and your intimacy, turn to your spouse for constructive problem solving.
5. Add Variety to Your Marriage
Variety is the spice of life, and this applies to marriages as well. Alack of variety can lead to a loss of excitement and connection. Mixing up weekend plans, vacations, or even small rituals in the relationship can be a great way to add some excitement. This can include new hobbies, date nights, or even new ways of being intimate. This all can help keep the emotional and physical connection fresh.
6. Find Balance Between “Roots” and “Wings”
In a marriage, “roots” are the foundation of trust, security, and acceptance, while “wings” are the foundation of personal growth and the ability to pursue one’s own dreams. Couples who achieve balance between the two have shown to feel a greater level of satisfaction. Sometimes, burnout can actually be the push that couples need to reevaluate their priorities.
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The Marriage Burnout Test
One way to determine the current state of your marriage is to use a burnout test. To do this, think over the past month and answer how often you felt each of the following:
*tired, hopeless, depressed, helpless, run down, anxious, trapped, worthless, disillusioned, resentful, and unable to take it anymore.
Assign a number from 1 to 6 for how often you have felt each of these, and then add the numbers together and divide by 10.
1 = Excellent marriage
2 = Good marriage
3 = Some problems to work out
4 = Burnout has been reached
5 = Help is needed right away
This test is not a diagnostic test. It is simply used to help couples recognize what is happening in their marriage and take steps before burnout occurs.
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Understanding the Bigger Picture
Middle-aged couples are often caught up in a “perfect storm” of work-related stress, dealing with aging children, changes in career, and personal reflections on life satisfaction. One spouse may find comfort in the family, while the other one seeks to advance their career. This can easily create tension within the marriage if not worked-through.
“Couples who actively address midlife role conflicts through communication and shared problem-solving report significantly higher satisfaction than those who avoid these issues,” a research suggests.
Marriage burnout, while difficult, is not the end of the story. Couples who are able to identify the problem early and work through it with open communication and a commitment to maintaining their connection and personal growth can often come out the other side with a stronger, richer, and more resilient marriage.
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Bored Daddy
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